Circles

I'm back to crying again! Oh I seem to be going in circles and circles! When will this ever end!

I'm trying hard to move on but it doesn't seem easy. I'm fine one day, happy the next, then cry the next day? So what is going on? How can I ever fix this?

Can't sleep

It's 2am and I'm still wide awake? Can't sleep!! HELP!!

So ironic that this blog is titled my journey to happiness but seems like it's leading to my journey of unhappiness! :(

Been crying all night for no reason. Now I feel like I want to vomit for no reason. I feel like my mind is just so not right at the moment and is just going crazy about nothing.

I'm getting really scared. What is going on with me? I've never felt this bad ever in my life. I dont know what to do anymore. Don't know where my life is leading me. I feel empty. I feel hurt. I feel alone. I feel lost.

So what should I do now? I don't know. But I do know I should try to fall asleep again otherwise tomorrow I will be really dead. I already feel really tired as it is and I know this lack of sleep will make it even worse. I won't be able to think properly. Won't be able to function properly. I will be like a walking zombie! :(

Small world

I thought the idea of internet dating is to meet people you DONT KNOW? How is it that out of 10 people they sent profiles of who they thought are a good match for me, I actually personally know 2 of them? And I have their contacts and phones numbers already? So should I be paying for this service when I can obtain the details myself??? I couldn't believe it when these people were recommended to me! Does this sound right to you?

Also due to the fact that I know these 2 people I know they are also not a match for me? So how can I be certain that the rest of the people on the list could be a match too?

Am I missing some logic to this whole thing?

Internet dating

OMG my friend's finally convinced me to try internet dating! Sounds freaky... I know everyone does it but I've NEVER done it!!!!! But to meet someone from the other side of a computer?? What happens if they are Weirdo's? or Crazy? I wouldn't know? Sounds very very scary to me! : (

But I'll give it a go? I'm trying to think of various things to help me and maybe this is what I need? A boost? An ego boost?

I've only joined but haven't paid ie can't contact anyone yet so I can still pull out I guess! : P

Fear

I have been trying to analyse myself the last few week and see what the cause might be. See what I can do to fix the problem. Today someone pointed out to me that is could be my fear of being 'alone'. Fear that my loved ones will sooner leave me. My friends cannot be with me 24/7. In the end I will be all alone, all by myself.

I believe that could be the case. But what can I do to fix that? I dont know!!! : (