Avoid

Last night yet again a lot was on my mind before I could go into deep sleep!! I will need to try and avoid this somehow.

I've noticed lately I've been trying to avoid a lot of things:
* avoid catching up with my couple friends
* avoid talking to couple friends
* avoid late nights out as I have a tendency to fall asleep early
* avoid seeing a doctor as I don't want them to confirm something to me that I don't want to hear
* avoid caffine and alchohol
* avoid crying too much
* avoid telling people I have a problem
* avoid facing a fact that I have a problem
* avoid thinking/hearing about anything that will make me unhappy
* avoid being alone

I think I now believe that the love of my life will never appear. He does not exist. I will be all on my own forever. I have been looking for half my life already. If he is out there I would have found him by now. Guess I have to just face this fact now and try and live life on my own.

I've noted every spare second I have in my life I have chosen to use it to sleep. Am I in denial about my life?

I am starting to get concerned about myself. I have never been like this ever in my life. I feel something is not right. But I've chosen to want to ignore it.

Worried

I have been trying very hard lately to try and sleep earlier, to relax a bit more about life. Limit my caffine and alcohol consumption. And just try and see if there is any improvement. My answer is no. I still feel the same tiredness. Should I try this a bit longer??

I've noticed I've cancelled a few get togethers just because I feel too tired to go out. I'd rather just stay at home and just sleep. But when I sleep so many things pop into my mind when im trying to fall asleep that that is not helping either.

I found I have now got a few friends worried about me and I feel so bad. I think I'm ok and I don't want them to worry about me. Well I hope I am ok. Let's see how I go in a few weeks.

Apples

I'm still feeling a little lonely today. What can I do? I try to think of all the bright and beautiful things in life but once in a while it still doesn't work!

Someone sent this to me today, so sweet:

Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling & getting hurt.
Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy.
So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing.
That is why we just have to be a little patient & the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...

So hurry up little boy? Where are you hiding???

Friends

Had a good chat with a friend today. Made me cry. Not what she said but I felt how fortunate I really am to have such great friends! Knowing that they are really there for me and care for me so much just made me cry. They are friends I know that are irreplaceable. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to meet these friends. I mean what more can I ask for?

I've learnt today that as each day passes it means one less day that we have left to live on this planet. We should live each day as if its the last day and really have no regrets! You never know what will happen to you tomorrow! Each day is a new experience, each day we learn something new. We should just enjoy each day and make the most of what we already have around us and treasure it!

Fireworks

There was a festival on on the weekend and huge fireworks at the end. It was just so beautiful! The sky just lit up with the spectular fireworks display!

See so many beautiful and spectacular things in life to see and do! So I should just focus on the happy and wonderful things in life and treasure every moment of it!

Next day went to a buffet with friends. I've never seen so many desserts dangling infront of me. So many choices, so little room in my stomach! So we decided to sample them all together and we still had so much left! Oh food glorious food. We should be so grateful we actually have a choice on food and all so yummy too compared to many that are not as fortunate as us!

Yesterday went for a day hike along the coast. Again such sensational coastal scenery. So breathtaking, the air was so freah and clear! And my favourite sound: the waves crashing into the rocks. I could stand there for a whole day just staring and listening. The most peacful and tranquil sound ever! : )