Avoid

Last night yet again a lot was on my mind before I could go into deep sleep!! I will need to try and avoid this somehow.

I've noticed lately I've been trying to avoid a lot of things:
* avoid catching up with my couple friends
* avoid talking to couple friends
* avoid late nights out as I have a tendency to fall asleep early
* avoid seeing a doctor as I don't want them to confirm something to me that I don't want to hear
* avoid caffine and alchohol
* avoid crying too much
* avoid telling people I have a problem
* avoid facing a fact that I have a problem
* avoid thinking/hearing about anything that will make me unhappy
* avoid being alone

I think I now believe that the love of my life will never appear. He does not exist. I will be all on my own forever. I have been looking for half my life already. If he is out there I would have found him by now. Guess I have to just face this fact now and try and live life on my own.

I've noted every spare second I have in my life I have chosen to use it to sleep. Am I in denial about my life?

I am starting to get concerned about myself. I have never been like this ever in my life. I feel something is not right. But I've chosen to want to ignore it.