I know that's a silly thought but it does sound tempting. Don't need to cry day in day out. Don't need to hide day in day out. Seems like the easy way out.
Don't worry. I won't do something silly like that. There is so much more to life that I do want to keep living. Some people might have the perfect life but that's boring. I have learnt to be stronger. Maybe just put me in a coma for a few months? That might be an easier solution!!! But guess I'll wake up feeling the same as today so that won't work.
I woke up thinking he is having so much fun. No pain at all. Total opposite to what I am feeling. He is so lucky. I wish I was happy like him too. I wish I could go out and enjoy Xmas and New Year. But I know I won't enjoy it this year. Will be a very miserable holiday.
How long do I have to be tortured like this for? Seems so long already and it's only the beginning. It will be a while before I will want to go out again. An even longer while till I am ready to go and meet someone again. Guess I better drink more water otherwise I'll dehydrate myself with all this crying.
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