Circles

I'm back to crying again! Oh I seem to be going in circles and circles! When will this ever end!

I'm trying hard to move on but it doesn't seem easy. I'm fine one day, happy the next, then cry the next day? So what is going on? How can I ever fix this?

Can't sleep

It's 2am and I'm still wide awake? Can't sleep!! HELP!!

So ironic that this blog is titled my journey to happiness but seems like it's leading to my journey of unhappiness! :(

Been crying all night for no reason. Now I feel like I want to vomit for no reason. I feel like my mind is just so not right at the moment and is just going crazy about nothing.

I'm getting really scared. What is going on with me? I've never felt this bad ever in my life. I dont know what to do anymore. Don't know where my life is leading me. I feel empty. I feel hurt. I feel alone. I feel lost.

So what should I do now? I don't know. But I do know I should try to fall asleep again otherwise tomorrow I will be really dead. I already feel really tired as it is and I know this lack of sleep will make it even worse. I won't be able to think properly. Won't be able to function properly. I will be like a walking zombie! :(

Small world

I thought the idea of internet dating is to meet people you DONT KNOW? How is it that out of 10 people they sent profiles of who they thought are a good match for me, I actually personally know 2 of them? And I have their contacts and phones numbers already? So should I be paying for this service when I can obtain the details myself??? I couldn't believe it when these people were recommended to me! Does this sound right to you?

Also due to the fact that I know these 2 people I know they are also not a match for me? So how can I be certain that the rest of the people on the list could be a match too?

Am I missing some logic to this whole thing?

Internet dating

OMG my friend's finally convinced me to try internet dating! Sounds freaky... I know everyone does it but I've NEVER done it!!!!! But to meet someone from the other side of a computer?? What happens if they are Weirdo's? or Crazy? I wouldn't know? Sounds very very scary to me! : (

But I'll give it a go? I'm trying to think of various things to help me and maybe this is what I need? A boost? An ego boost?

I've only joined but haven't paid ie can't contact anyone yet so I can still pull out I guess! : P

Fear

I have been trying to analyse myself the last few week and see what the cause might be. See what I can do to fix the problem. Today someone pointed out to me that is could be my fear of being 'alone'. Fear that my loved ones will sooner leave me. My friends cannot be with me 24/7. In the end I will be all alone, all by myself.

I believe that could be the case. But what can I do to fix that? I dont know!!! : (

Avoid

Last night yet again a lot was on my mind before I could go into deep sleep!! I will need to try and avoid this somehow.

I've noticed lately I've been trying to avoid a lot of things:
* avoid catching up with my couple friends
* avoid talking to couple friends
* avoid late nights out as I have a tendency to fall asleep early
* avoid seeing a doctor as I don't want them to confirm something to me that I don't want to hear
* avoid caffine and alchohol
* avoid crying too much
* avoid telling people I have a problem
* avoid facing a fact that I have a problem
* avoid thinking/hearing about anything that will make me unhappy
* avoid being alone

I think I now believe that the love of my life will never appear. He does not exist. I will be all on my own forever. I have been looking for half my life already. If he is out there I would have found him by now. Guess I have to just face this fact now and try and live life on my own.

I've noted every spare second I have in my life I have chosen to use it to sleep. Am I in denial about my life?

I am starting to get concerned about myself. I have never been like this ever in my life. I feel something is not right. But I've chosen to want to ignore it.

Worried

I have been trying very hard lately to try and sleep earlier, to relax a bit more about life. Limit my caffine and alcohol consumption. And just try and see if there is any improvement. My answer is no. I still feel the same tiredness. Should I try this a bit longer??

I've noticed I've cancelled a few get togethers just because I feel too tired to go out. I'd rather just stay at home and just sleep. But when I sleep so many things pop into my mind when im trying to fall asleep that that is not helping either.

I found I have now got a few friends worried about me and I feel so bad. I think I'm ok and I don't want them to worry about me. Well I hope I am ok. Let's see how I go in a few weeks.

Apples

I'm still feeling a little lonely today. What can I do? I try to think of all the bright and beautiful things in life but once in a while it still doesn't work!

Someone sent this to me today, so sweet:

Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling & getting hurt.
Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy.
So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing.
That is why we just have to be a little patient & the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...

So hurry up little boy? Where are you hiding???

Friends

Had a good chat with a friend today. Made me cry. Not what she said but I felt how fortunate I really am to have such great friends! Knowing that they are really there for me and care for me so much just made me cry. They are friends I know that are irreplaceable. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to meet these friends. I mean what more can I ask for?

I've learnt today that as each day passes it means one less day that we have left to live on this planet. We should live each day as if its the last day and really have no regrets! You never know what will happen to you tomorrow! Each day is a new experience, each day we learn something new. We should just enjoy each day and make the most of what we already have around us and treasure it!

Fireworks

There was a festival on on the weekend and huge fireworks at the end. It was just so beautiful! The sky just lit up with the spectular fireworks display!

See so many beautiful and spectacular things in life to see and do! So I should just focus on the happy and wonderful things in life and treasure every moment of it!

Next day went to a buffet with friends. I've never seen so many desserts dangling infront of me. So many choices, so little room in my stomach! So we decided to sample them all together and we still had so much left! Oh food glorious food. We should be so grateful we actually have a choice on food and all so yummy too compared to many that are not as fortunate as us!

Yesterday went for a day hike along the coast. Again such sensational coastal scenery. So breathtaking, the air was so freah and clear! And my favourite sound: the waves crashing into the rocks. I could stand there for a whole day just staring and listening. The most peacful and tranquil sound ever! : )

Inspiring

A friend just sent me a very inspiring video. About living life to the fullest. It made me start thinking yes I am tired. Yes I am sad. But that's part of life. Part of my learning curve so be it. If I'm sleepy I'll sleep. If I'm sad I'll cry.

I shouldn't keep writing posts that mentions I'm sad or sleepy. It's a fact I can't change. So just let it be.

Instead I should start becoming more aware of this world. See all the positive things in life that I do already have that I have taken for granted. Great family. Fantastic friends. Stable job. What more do I want (well a nice husband would be nice).

So instead I might post little positive/happy things I've noticed while living my life. Be more aware of how fortunate I really am. I'm going to view life again like a 3 year old where I will start experiencing this world again for the first time with a brand new perspective to life and just be amazed at how wonderful life can be!!

So as a start I actually went to my first footy finals game in a corporate box last night!! Thanks to my fantastic friend who offered me to join her! Friends are the best!! There was no catering but to be in a stadium in your own private box was a whole new experience for me. Life is full of so many new and interesting experiences so why waste my life away thinking of useless things??!

Embrace what we naturally have around us and just enjoy life and live life to the fullest!!!:)

Sleep or be sad?

Lately I've been staying at home a lot (so opposite to what I normally do). I feel so tired so staying at home on weekends and sleeping early on week nights helps. But I've realized the more I stay at home on my own the more lonely I feel hence the more sad I feel.

So it's a trade off now. Do I stay at home to fix my tiredness and be sad? Or do I go out and keep myself busy so I don't feel sad but will feel really tired??

Such a hard call!!!!

This weekend I've chosen to stay at home and just sleep and cry. I'll see where that gets me. If it doesn't fix my tiredness then I will need to reassess my situation!!!

Sleepy

I'm trying to allocate more of my time to sleeping now. I'm still very tired but that is the best I can do. Hopefully I will feel better soon!

I dont feel as sad as before so that is a good thing. Think I was so worried that it got me more sad so I dont really want to think about it now.

Just hope my conditional gradually gets better! Fingers crossed!

Hypersomnia

I found what I have is hypersommia. Sort of like opposite to insomnia? I keep sleeping and I wake up as if I haven't slept at all! I sleep over 10 hrs per day on a week night. And try to sleep like 12 hrs a day or more on weekends and it's still not enough!! I'm so sleepy its dangerous for me to drive longer than 15 min as I will doze off at the wheel. I can't chat to friends longer either as I lose concentration and then end up not really listening!!!

This is one of the symptoms of depression. And I'm also crying a lot too. So adding all this up sounds like depression to me.

A few of my friends have suggested I see a specialist but I want to see how I go in the next few weeks and see if the condition improves. I'm going to sleep at 9pm every night if I can and wake up at 8am and try and keep a consistent sleeping pattern.

I am very worried. I hope I am ok. I won't know what to do if I'm not.

What next?

I have been reading up on the symptoms of depression and it seems most likely I have it. I re read all my old posts ontop of being so tired and it looks so obvious now. Can't believe it. I was always a happy bubbly girl. Was wondering where the happy girl was. She's gone! She's now just a sad lonely girl instead.

Was it because of him that got me to this? Or maybe he just brought out what was deep inside me already.

Well what should I do now? I have approached a few really good friends to keep an eye on me. To help me. But the only thing that can help me is to fix it myself gradually. I'm going to keep sleeping more to hopefully fix my tiredness. I'm going to make myself keep doing my normal exercise routine to keep me healthy. Keep going out so I don't stay at home and cry. And just observe myself more and be good to myself and keep myself happy.

I will get over this! :)

Depression

Last few days I realized maybe it's not him I'm missing? Maybe I am over him?

Today a friend pointed out maybe I have depression. I said no way but I went on the web to search the topic and found I actually have a few of the symptons mentioned. Maybe that is the reason I'm crying? Maybe that is the reason I'm so sad? Well now that I know early I'm going to do more research and see if that's what's wrong and hopefully fix it.

My eyes are now all puffy from crying! But what am I crying for? Guess that's what I need to find out!

Better

Today I feel really good. Something must have happened these few days but I dont know what? But I dont feel I miss him anymore? So I suggested he can start chatting to me if he wants.

But what happened? Why do I feel this way? I dont know but I want to know and maintain it.

I'm really happy today. Like something that has been bugging me is not bugging me anymore. So its good in a way. But I want to know the reason but cant find an answer! : P

Anyway whatever it is, it is good! So will see if I can continue chatting to him like before and see how we go! : P

Happy

I feel happy today? I dont know why? Its like I feel internally I can feel he is happy (I hope) and somehow its triggered me to be happy too? I'm not sure if thats it but I have no other explanation! : )

Its a weird feeling today. Something I cannot explain. Hope this feelings lasts longer? Hope that means he is happy longer too? : P

Tears

In tears once again! I must have filled a whole lake at the rate I'm going! :'(

What can I do? Am I doing something wrong? Is there something missing here? It cant possibly take this long to forget someone! I've tried everything, but nothing is working. Time has done nothing. Do I have to stay in this state of pain forever???? : (

Choose

Today my parents found out one of my best friends boyfriend is not of the same race. They practically interrogated me. What is wrong with that? They are in love?

My parents are very old fashion. So I think they were actually trying to hint to me the same! But dont they want to see me happy? All these years I've been pressured to find someone of the same race. I've rejected so many dates just because they are not of the same race. This time I have even rejected the one who I really love. I do regret it. And I'm really feeling the pain now. So what did my parents achieve? They now have an unhappy daughter. Don't they see that what they are doing now, all their rules are making me so unhappy. So loney. So miserable.

Do I have to wait till they pass away till I can find someone I truley love?

My friend's parents currently refuse to see her boyfriend. Refuse to accept him into the family. Does it really have to get to this? So awkward being a family who can't accept everything their kids love? I can imagine how hard it is for my friend. I really don't want that to happen to me.

So what do a chose if I have to choose again? Love or family? Maybe I should think for myself next time and choose love. But then does that mean I will lose my family if I choose love?

Care

Just knowing that he still cares about me hurts. Knowing that he might still want to contact me but I've stopped him sound mean! Knowing that I also want to contact him but I'm stopping myself sounds ridiculous!

Why am I doing all these things? Is this really helping. I dont know. It hasn't helped me at all. Been sad all through it? Why? What can I do to help me be happy? I dont know?

A few more guys approached me on the weekend but again I shoed them off. I just didn't feel anything there, didn't feel any connection, didn't feel it was right, just didn't feel anything at all.

I feel like I am living each day as if I'm in cyber space. I really dont know what I am doing, feeling, saying. Just living because I have to live, eating because I have to eat and thats it..... : (

Friends

Been really busy last few days didn't have time to write a post!!

No crying last few days as no time! Sad but no crying.

Was thinking last few days: am I ready to see him again? Dont know if it's because of this long break that helps me try to not miss his as much. But was thinking am I now missing him or just missing him as a friend? Someone I can talk to, cheer me up when I need it or just someone to hang out with? Maybe I miss him as a friend? Can that be? Maybe I could try and just meetup as friends again and see if that will work? Don't know.

Depressing

Looking back at all my previous posts I was hoping that the posts would get happier and happier as time pasts? But it doesn't seem to be the case? The last post was not much different to the first few posts? How can that be? Its getting rather depressing! What can I do to fix this? I really have no idea?

It just seems the more posts I put up the more depressing I get? I'm suppose to be sharing my happy thoughts but they all seem to end up being sad posts?

I hope the next few will get better otherwise I might not post for a while.... just so that I dont see so many depressing thoughts pop up on this blog! : (

Still crying! :'(

An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception.
-Harold Lokes

I'm still crying! : ( Oh well..... cant help it... just let it...... : (

more crying! : (

I suddenly feel like I want to burst out crying. I just want to quickly go home and just cry cry cry! But I'm still at work. Can't escape! Guess I'll just need to keep myself as busy as possible so it doesn't burst out till I get home! :'(

Why is this feeling still here? Why isn't it gone yet. How much longer do I have to suffer for! I can't cope with this anymore! I just cant! :(

Hurt?

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
-Mother Teresa

Yeah so guess I'll just keep loving him till I dont feel I love him anymore? Keep hurting, keep crying! : P

Love again?

Everyone says love hurts, but that isn't true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.
-unknown

Exactly what I am feeling. As I said before, the only way for me to not cry anymore is to find love again! Whenever that may be. In the time being just continue to cry till the time comes? : )

Tears

No man is worth your tears, and when you find the man who is, he'll never make you cry.
-Anonymous

This is a nice quote! Yes no man is worth my tears! I will try to not cry as much! I promise!

It's really funny! I have met a few guys this weekend, but funny enough there were none I liked. Am I too picky? I dont think so. I want to find the man who will never make me cry. Not any man just because they are a man!!!! That will be my next aim! I dont want to get hurt again! So I want to be more careful I guess?

Quotes

Today I thought I might start posting quotes I like? Or a quote that resembles what I am feeling right now. So here is today's quote: something I'm thinking right now!! :)

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her...
-UNKNOWN

Read

I wonder if anyone is reading this. Well its a blog after all so guess someone will read it. Maybe just hope he never comes across this blog at all! I dont want him to know I'm sad/upset. Don't want him to feel bad. Dont want him to be concerned about me. Just hope he continues to be happy and not know what I'm feeling.

Today I did feel sad again and wanted to cry. Why? Oh well, will just have to let me be sad and let it gradually fade away. I hope it will be soon!

Memories

Was sorting my photos on my computer and came across some of our old photos that I had not had a chance to sort through yet. Sort of gave me memories again when I looked through them! : ( Oh well........

What can I do. Those memories are concrete. Can't be erased. So just have to live with those memories forever. Well at least all our memories were really really nice memories.  Dont have any bad memories at all! That I actually need to thank him for! : )

Progress

I met someone on the weekened while doing my usual things. I think he likes me but not sure? Not sure if I like him myself actually. But he seems like a really really nice guy. I will be seeing him again this weekend so I will keep you informed!

I'm really hopeless at these things. I'm never good at the signals they give out and I'm not good at returning the signals!!!! This time I will try. Any suggestions?

I think another friend is trying to introduce me to another guy this weekend as well. So will see how that ones goes too!

Well at least I am making progress! : )

Exercise

Wonder what he is doing this weekend? Ummmm.... Let me guess.... Going out to a nice place to listen to some jazz/music? Should be doing some bike riding sat or sun perhaps or just going to a friends place to catch up?

Don't know what I could write these few weeks as I've told him not to contact me so nothing to write about him really beside that I'm missing him. But I can't write that for every post these few weeks?

How about the next few weeks I'll try to get back to my life before him? Get back to my exercise routine?? Im going for a hike this sun. Then I'll try and go back to my swimming. Sort of neglected that a bit as lately I just want to stay at home and cry. But I'll try and make myself do other things! I will be ok (I hope!!) and very soon too!!!

Can't Concentrate

I've noticed I haven't been able to concentrate at work for a while now. My work is not getting done. I am double checking everything incase I make mistakes. I am just not motivated to work anymore. My mind is always thinking about him and its driving me crazy.

I was thinking back, why am I so upset this time round? It could be because we broke up when I was really really happy in the relationship. The timing of the breakup was at a time I least expected. If our love was dying off or we were starting to be unhappy then it wouldn't have hurt so much. But we broke up right when I started becoming very comfortable with him. Right when I was settling in. Right when I found I really fell in love with him.

I know there is nothing I can do now but to just live on without him. If I tell him what I am thinking, all he will feel is to feel sorry for me. Feel bad that he has hurt me. Feel bad that I am still feeling hurt. He will not do anything to help me. The only thing he can do is just to leave me alone.

I'm glad I have sort of blocked him off most things so I dont know what he is upto. Dont know where he is and what he is doing.

I will try and stay strong and move on.....

Silent love

Is it ok to just love someone knowing they will not return the love? I dont know? But I've decided that is what I will do.

I do still love him. Even though he does not love me anymore.  He cannot stop me from loving him. I wont tell him I still love him. I will just love him silently. If he needs me, I will be there for him. If he doesn't then I will just silently hope the best for him.

I sometimes do wonder 'does he ever miss me anymore?'. I assume the answer is no. He will only pity me. I dont want anyone to pity me.

But by continuing to love him will mean I will continue to feel hurt. I have tried to forget him but cant. I have tried to find ways to reduce my level of hurt but cant. So all I can do now is to continue to love and continue to be hurt. I dont know what other choice I have.

Leave me alone!

Now my previous ex is contacting me? Wanting to catch up as he is coming back home. I think I need a break from guys in general. Can both these guys just leave me alone! : (

Both of them has a gf now so can't they just leave me alone! I really cant be bothered seeing any of them!

Holidays

I'm on holidays now. At this 5 star resort! Having a fantastic time. Just pampering. The pool is just so beautiful!!! Stayed there most of the time during my stay! The spa, steam room!! Ohh it's just a bliss here!!!

First day here was just so enjoyable. But today I wish he was here with me. It's just SO romantic here. Would have been nice to be able to cuddle him here! :(

So many couples and families here. Makes me miss him more when I see all these happy couples!!!! :( I hate this feeling. I'm on holidays and I should be enjoying myself. But today I feel sad instead. The thought of him is now ruining my holiday! Not fair! :'(

still sad

Dont know what I am feeling today. Guess I miss him? And I realised everytime he contacts me I will miss him for a bit after that. So guess my 2nd request for him to not contact me is a wise decision. 

I dont know how I will feel the next month and a half without hearing from him. I will truely miss it and keep wanting to know what he is doing in his life. If he is happy or sad. But I guess this is the trade off.

I still feel sad. I just want him to give me a big big hug. Want to be able to cry in his arms. Maybe just want to see him in person. Cant believe its been two months since I last saw him. He does seem very distant now. I can vaguely remember how he looks like without looking back at old pictures to remind myself.

How long will this drag on for? I hope not long.

Why?

Being able to chat to him and know how he is going is such a nice feeling. It's something I really miss. But it's because I miss it that I dont think it's a good idea that we communicate. Yes I'll be happy when I hear from him. But it will just make me more upset that I can talk to him but not have him.

I've always wondered why does he still want to contact me? Does he miss me too? I assume not. Then what is it for him that he keeps in contact with me? I dont know.

He sounds happy and I'm really happy for him. I hope his current gf is exactly what he is after. That they can stay happy together forever.

Love

Talk about timing. He wrote to me again right after I posted my last post. This time I actually felt happy receiving it. But after a short happiness it mad me feel sad again. Made me miss him again. Just the fact that I felt happy receiving his email means I miss it.

I really enjoy his company. And now knowing for a fact that I won't have that company anymore really really hurts. As I now know I truly miss him, hence I must still love him so so much! :(

I guess love is a very weird thing. I can't have him anymore. Now I truly do feel I just want to see him happy. And I hope he is. I found I dont hate him anymore. I found I still love him and I dont think that feeling will ever change.

I have tried so hard these few month to not love him anymore but I just can't. So guess I can't stop myself from loving someone so I'll just continue. Continuing loving him one sided. Continue hoping the best of everything for him. Continue being there for him if he ever needs me.

I don't need him to return any love. I'll just continuing giving him my true love as that is what I feel. He doesn't need to know. Loving someone doesnt mean you have to own them.

I truly hope his current gf is being really nice to him. He sounds really happy and I hope he continues to be happy forever!

More crying

I'm crying crying crying again!!! So thought I'd write a post to try and divert my attention away from crying.

I feel terrible terrible terrible. I want to end this unhappiness but I don't know how. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing is working. Just nothing. I've run out of ideas so I'm just going to keep crying crying crying!!!!

Alone

I feel like a total wreck today. Yesterday went on a hike with a friend and she got lost. I was alone and didn't know what to do. I was really scared something might have happened to her. Strangers came to help me and took me to the police station. Later that day we found her.

I was so glad to see her. Didn't care what her reason was to have wondered off, as long as she is safe I dont care about anything else.

While I was waiting alone I felt so loney. I felt there is actually no one I could turn to. No one I could call to come and help me. I was all alone and helpless! Not just at the time but in general. My whole life now, I feel lonely and helpless.

I wanted to call him but I know I cant call him anymore. He will not come to help me. He doesnt have time for me anymore.

I am all alone!

Crying

Still thinking about him. And yes crying too. Can someone help me!!! Can someone tell me what I can do? I'm trying my best but can't seem to get him off my mind!!!

This is so unfair. It's not like I want to keep thinking about him. But he's always popping up in my mind. Can't seem to get rid of him!!!! What should I do?

Well all I can do is continue crying!!! :'(

Sad again

I feel terrible again! All his fault. Why did he contact me? I was happy on my own. Then he ruined it.... now back to square one! Yes crying again..... will this ever stop!!!! I hate it.... just want to get on with life!

So why am I sad? Maybe because I was trying to forget about him and now he appears again and our times together flash back? So I get the feeling of wanting him back. But he wont come back. So I'm sad.

Better

I feel better today. I think no reply helped. I'm not sure if he was wanting a reply and I'm not sure if it's rude if I don't reply. But guess it's for my own good!

Hopefully he does not write to me for a while. I need this break.

No Reply

I have decided not to reply. It was agreed to give me one month of silence. And he broke it. It's only half way. Now I've started crying again. All my prior effort down the drain.

Why did he contact me! Why couldn't he leave me alone. He shouldn't be thinking of me. He shouldn't need to write to me. He should share his thoughts with his gf. Not with me.

Now I feel terrible again. Crying all night. Back to square one. :'(

Contact

He just wrote to me. I thought the deal was he was not allowed to contact to me for a month? He broke it! : (

I was feeling down right before he wrote to me. Feeling the alone feeling and just wanting to hurry up and find someone.

Receiving his email was sort of a nice feeling. A feeling that he is actually still thinking about me enough to want to write to me? But that will just make it worse. He shouldn't be thinking about me and knowing he does actually makes it harder for me to move on.

I'm not sure if I should respond. I will decide tomorrow.

Hiding

I'm starting to feel the lonleness now. Missing the companionship. Just want to find someone. But not just anyone. I want to find the 'one'. Where are you hiding? Hurry and appear soon! : P

I've found I've been meeting heaps of singles guys now. They are everywhere. But just not the right one has appeared yet. But I will keep looking. I will hunt you down soon! : )

Forgot

Think the last few days I've totally forgotten about his existence. Only once in a while when I see a happy couple I would think of our happy times and yeah wish I still had someone. But other than that, think I forgot about him already. Forgot how he looks like, forgot how he sounds like, forgot how he smells like.

I think forgetting is good! : )

Normal

Don't feel anything today. Just been too busy getting back to my normal life. I've realized lately that my life before him was so full! I had so many activities. So many friends. Always busy!!! And I found because I use to want to see him more I actually put aside my normal life and rearranged it to see him more.

Now that I'm back to normal I feel I don't need him anymore. I can still enjoy life without him. Like how it use to be before I met him.

This is a good feeling. I'll try and keep it up!

Really?

I don't know what I feel today? Do I hate him? Not really! Do I miss him? Not really! Do I want to write to him? Not really! Do I want to call him? Not really!

Maybe I'm over him? Really?